Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Painfully Practicing Patience

The test was completed, but hasn't yet been faxed. It will likely be faxed within hours to the specialist. It is very hard to think that the results are there, but I can't know what they are. Some stranger has the results in their hands. The consequences don't matter to them, and I have to wait. It's just hard, even though I've already tried to convince myself that the test isn't likely going to show us something. How likely was it to have both of our kids have their crisis events the same day, exactly, six days apart? The same way? So you can't really convince yourself when you're thinking likelihoods and been through what we have. If there is a chance, I have to consider it seriously. And this is one chance I am hoping really happens. To have an answer for our family. Even just a subtle hint at an answer! So I'm waiting. Trying very hard to be patient, and not being very successful.

Dominic's birthday is only two days away. Will some of the mystery to his life's story be revealed? I am very tense with anticipation, and cautiously hoping against hope. I miss my son, and his birthday approaching just intensifies the missing. It intensifies the not knowing, too.

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